"I dont care if she has a pussy that cures cancer"

Jack Bauer has no need for urinals nor their cakes

2007-05-21T23:38:00.000-06:00

Another season of 24 has come to an end. And once again, I only watched the first two episodes and the final two, and I feel like I missed absolutely nothing
I am sure he killed another 40 people in one day at work, never ate a single dorrito, nor saw the inside of a bathroom. But you got to admire a man that can get from North Hollywood to the far side of the San Fernando Valley in the middle of the day in about five minutes.

I have given up even my high-low standards in looking for a job and am going to settle-like a guy showing up late to a great party because he had to work all night…I am settling for the proverbial fat chick. I have an interview tomorrow with another fucking catering company. Well a side-step is still a step right. So I guess it is time to break out the old catering uniform again…its fun after work when all the girls at the bar want to know why I am dressed like that. Then I tell em why and all of a sudden they’re gone. I gotta learn to not think, not be honest, and just lie.

Its been a while

2007-05-17T22:07:00.000-06:00

Yes, oh how I love Staind. Anyways, the job hunt continues if anyone has any hints please hook me up. At this point I am really not that picky. Well, at least as far as I wont work at Starbucks, but only because there are plenty of low paying bad jobs where I dont have to get up at the ass-crack of dawn.

So a guy I knew I high school is now in prison...for what we'll just call internet problems. He got 5 years Federal time, and I honestly don't know what to think. Usually for what he did- I like most, would say lock him up, and he deserves what happens to him. But it being a person I knew (allbeit a lifetime ago) I guess I'm thinking differently now. I've heard two very different stories 1) he just kinda stumbled on to it 2) his computer was loaded with the crap. I'll just never under-fucking-stand.

Anyways, I think I hit a new high-low point in my love life. Girl comes back into life again, now she can't seem to find the time...a week later bare in mind. Go me.

Get fucked
Love,
Dave

What is it with me and female bosses?

2007-04-26T19:20:00.000-06:00

So I leave my old job because my old boss returned and would be my manager again. Fast-forward 9 months and I finally find another job; but I have the same boss-more or less. Let me give you two examples, of two of the wonderful traits that they share:

1) When being mere seconds away from finishing a task, they both very rudely tell me to hurry up.
2) Whenever shorthanded they tend to disappear right until everything is finally finished and then offer their assistance.

Anyway, the new job is nice. I like the 2 guys that I work with a lot. This time I am the youngest person on the crew instead of the oldest, which is a sweet change of pace. I worked at a house today where a family of four lives that have 3 Range Rovers (in three different colors), a Bentley, a Porch, and a mini-van. Bare in mind there are only 3 drivers in the family.

I finally learned what a Zoobomber is and it is not a cocktail involving Jager. If another person asks me why I don’t have a girlfriend I will officially become a homicidal maniac. Which is worse really a serial killer or a single Saint Louis girl with unrealistic expectations.

Today is well...its today

2007-03-13T21:30:00.000-06:00

Went on a job pre-interview today with Primerica, and was in and out in less than 10 minutes, and asked to come back tomorrow for a real interview. Seems like a nice enough place to work. But I have been wondering all day since; if I have that inherent- I live and die for money impulse that the two guys who I spoke with today seem to have. But I gotta ask, can you really trust a guy who works in a rather small tight office with his own wife? I just don’t know.

I was reading today that Liz (or as she put it- her friend not her) was having a myspace issue. Basically, her friend (yeah right) made-out with a guy and was wondering, whether or not; he should be moved to the “top friends” area on her myspace list. I laughed out loud at the absurdity of the situation…that is until. Yeah, I too had my own myspace issue later that day; after reading and mocking the one I read on Lizzyshark. Apparently Rocky had been arguing with his soon to be wife, went on to his myspace page-seeing a comment of mine, which I had just left on his page, and then (I assume) went to my myspace page to leave his own asinine comment. This is where Rocky saw that Beth was above him on my top friends. Next, he proceeded to leave me a fucked up message and deleted me. Fuck, I wasn't even in his top friends at all.

When me and him are not fighting over a girl-we seem to be fighting like two girls.

Damn I thought McKay had quit drinking

2007-03-12T21:39:00.000-06:00

After reading McKayholdings.com today, I quickly realized life had kinda turned on its fucking ear. TR and McKay are going at it and I am staying silent. Funny, since TR used to be the guy playing Battle Tanks, drunk on Jack, grinding his teeth, while broodingly wishing the two other underage drunks in the room-would shut the fuck up i.e. myself and Bomac. Or sometimes, the group might have been a mixture of the forementioned; and TR's ex and Tore. I must say, I spell it T-o-r-e because, its just a little gay. Just like Tore-a little gay, but only a little.

Today I went to the workstlouis.com job fair. I have been in many a human zoo before-but not like this. It was so utterly pointless...I paid two bucks to be handed a bunch of brochures telling me to apply at a website. Not to mention there was only 8 booths; two of which, had already been vacated.

Oh if anyone knows someone in Marina del Ray, give me a shout.

My aching cerebellum dios mio

2007-03-01T19:03:00.000-06:00

Hello again. Still not too much happening these days…still looking for a job, spending time at the gym, and have been desperately trying to cut down on my computer time. That would be obviously because I have so much free time these days; its easy to spend to much time fucking around on the net. Not to say that I have been spending all my time on the ol’ computer…in the last few months I have made a major dent in my to read list, been keeping on top of my laundry (for the first time ever), and I have found myself reading two newspapers a day.

Dave (Bo) said the other day on his blog, “I have no idea how opinionated became a bad word,” which had me remember a run with a girl at a party recently. I had not seen this girl in several years-fuck maybe it had been an entire decade (its hard to believe that I am old enough to say that). Basically, I asked her out…she said no because I was not successful enough for her. Which at first I got to say, hit me like a fucking white hot freight train. And I must say it kind of hurt the old self-esteem (although my body may made of metal my heart is still fleshy) and then something suddenly occurred to me. It was the most honest, (yet however uncouth) thing a girl has said to me ever. In my entire adult life I have never encountered someone of the opposite sex be so upfront. Suddenly after thinking for a minute about all the bullshit I had heard from girls, the upfront one seemed a bit more evolved or maybe even a step ahead of the rest –fuck maybe even a little hotter than all the rest.

I started to think about what I was told when my last relationship ended, well more to the point, how bullshit it was. Don’t get me wrong, I am not trying to sound like I regret ever being with her, however a bullshit ending to a great story in a view of hindsight, makes you think about what really ended it. Especially when deep inside somewhere you hate to look; is the hidden fact that you knew all along she had already checked out long before it actually ended.

The Stupid and the Grateful

2007-02-13T22:39:00.000-06:00

I have heard of this idiotic idea before, on TV dramas and dateline and 20/20 style programs, in many various and asinine connotations. But, according to the Independent Weekly of Adelaide, Australia; like in America; the retards are taking over. A guy who was convicted by Australian court of three counts of endangering human lives, because he was knowingly spreading HIV (for which he had earlier tested positive), by having unprotected sex with women (including his wife and at least two others) who were unaware of his status. He had evidently told his wife he had some form of cancer to cover up his new health necessities.

The experts, who are testifying for the defense, are saying that unprotected vaginal sex with a HIV positive man is "completely safe" (direct quote). Yeah, apparently HIV ain’t an STD…and it’s not what causes AIDS. Currently an appeals judge is deciding whether or not the scientific “controversy” over the issue is great enough to amount for a retrial. In essence, giving this fucker a second shot at freedom. The scientist who testified also went as far to say that she would have unprotected sex with an HIV positive man- “anytime”.

I find myself bewildered as to whether or not feel sorry for the wife. If I saw a bottle of AZT in a girlfriend’s bathroom, I would vanish-like a slutty sorority girl on martini night.

And keep in mind folks the next time that you rinse and spit Listerine was invented as a cure for gohnorrhea, also commonly known as the clap. I just thought I would throw that in there.

All right tomorrow is the big day...Valentines yippie. And we are going to have shitty weather for a truly shitty day. Winter had better end here soon or we're all gonna turn into human popsicles...cool tasty treats for cannibalistic children on a hot summer day. If I were to pick what my flavor would be, I would have to say lime.

My only real news today, is that Sunday I tried to call in a favor from a friend of a friend to retrieve my mom’s boyfriends stuff (rolex and all) from the U City police evidence locker. It’s really not that interesting of a story as it may sound, but I feel bad about the way I talked to him on the phone. Seeing as how a guy I’ve known for six years had just had a heart attack-it had been a rather stressful day. So I am sure I might have sounded a little indignant over the phone.

Still, it’s kind of rejuvenating to the ol' spirit to know that there are still people out there who would do a favor for someone they hardly know. (However, then there’s also the fact that it’s very hard to say no to the Sal.) I also have to say something nice about Officer Riley…she gave Mike CPR and saved his life. She has got my gratitude-and his for sure. My mom is thinking of buying breakfast for the whole station some morning. Seemed like a nice gesture, until she told me it was going to be coffee and doughnuts. I believe that is called profiling.

beware of charming hot girls riding mountain bikes

2007-02-12T22:41:00.000-06:00

I just wanted to share this link to Tom’s (Andy) account of a “drag race” where he rode his bicycle dressed as a chick. And I gotta say if he looked anymore like…I just dun no.

I realized that it is like two days from Valentine’s today when someone asked me if I like the holiday. I got to say I am ardently ambiguous on the subject this year. I am not dating anyone, don’t really have any prospects, but for some reason I frankly feel totally indifferent this year. Women can’t live with em’…pass me a fucking beer.

I guess being at the age I am, I might have already made my final verdict on love and marriage and all things romantic. I don’t think that I was with anyone this time of the year last year (if I can’t remember, well then- ya know). Hell, I am sitting here taping away, trying to remember the last names of several girls I have dated and I am finding it funny that the ones I do remember, it ended very badly with them all.
Thinking back the only time in recent years when I remember having plans on V day she canceled a few hours before. More wine for me baby.

The desperation to be in a long term relationship among the girls of my age group (which I have mentioned in previous posts), can also work to ones advantage especially at this time of year (thank you Walgreen’s displays and incessant television commercials). Take for instance my name and occupation of Friday last…

Terry Noonan, line crew co-captain of the Tide team at Gateway racetrack. The key is to have an interesting job (mine was totally concocted in this case, don’t even know if its real) that there is in no way she can have any esoteric knowledge of. And an easy to recite fake number committed to memory- I myself use the White House switchboard number.

And here I’d like to take the time to share with my friend Rocky a quote I enjoy about marriage (seeing as how he is getting married and all):

“Marriage is an important part of getting ahead. It lets people know you're not a homo. A married guy seems more stable. People see the ring, and they think, ‘At least somebody can stand the son of a bitch.’ Ladies see the ring, they know immediately that you must have some cash, and your cock must work.”
-Elerby, The Departed

beat me like a red tinseled christmas tree

2007-02-12T00:25:00.000-06:00

http://www.myspace.com/66026878-------> its me suckas

It’s been one of those weeks I must say. Went out hitting the pavement for a job again; and again to no avail. Also this week started and ended with two of the family folk going in the hospital, one heart attack on Monday and another today. And the latter happened to crash his brand new car (a 2007) in the process…I mean brand new not even a month old.

I got some new hits on my pitiful myspace page. I find myspace to be an interesting concept-keeping track of all the events in old friend’s lives, while not actually having to speak to them. But in the fast paced world that we live in I guess that was inevitable. A couple of guys I know were giving me shit saying that I didn’t have enough hotties on mine…well as they say in Mexico: va chinga tu prima, I got two more today. Re and Meghan, yeah there both fucking sexy and why the hell they talk to me, I dunno. I lost track of Reham a long time ago, and I really regret doing so, because she is one of the greatest people I’ll ever know. As to how she ended up in Wisconsin I just don’t know. I’ve known Meghan since she was 13 and she is still just like she was back then; way too sweet and charming to be believed. I lost track of her a while back, and then one day; years later she turned out to be a friend of a friend-gotta love St. Louis. Plus she forgave me for spitting beer on her and making her cry that’s gotta be a genuine sign of character.

In the wonderful world of DVD I have to recommend the documentary “I Trust You To Kill Me”. Apparently Kiefer Sutherland owns an idie-rock label and went out on tour with this band Rocco Deluca and the Burden as their tour manager. I still laugh thinking about watching him drunk and talking like a pirate go Jack Bauer on a low down no good dirty motherfucking ali baba terrorist Christmas tree. Try youtube.com for some of the funnier scenes.

My Incredible Broken Internal Thermometer

2007-02-05T21:59:00.000-06:00

Winter in St. Louis is a cruel shameless fucking bitch. I am on cup of hot tea number seven or eight, and I am not a particularly big fan of the stuff to begin with. Just cant have anymore coffee. For those of you in sunny places I would just like to say- I hate you all, at least for now. When spring rolls around here again I’ll forget all about my detestation of you all, and shall once again be happy because I will no longer have to wear layers, take two or three scalding showers a day to try and stave off hypothermia, and ya know the sun comes back out over Missouri again. Those of you that have moved away I am sure do not miss that portion of the year here; where the sun goes on what Hollywood types would call "on hiatus with a possibility of a future pick-up."

I swear that ever since I worked for that charity, which involved long outdoor stretches my average body temp has gone from the human 98.6, to something in reptilian family of around 88 degrees. I guess that would make me cold-blooded, and I’m sure there are a few exs of mine out there that would definitely agree.

I was watching the current carnage that is the city of Baghdad on CNN tonight. And I have to say it looked very brutal, but yet very warm. I guess there is no way that those nut jobs could blame their anger on seasonal affective disorder, seeing as how the sun is out over the Arabian Desert nearly 300 plus days a year. The hot weather there looks mighty tempting to me right now; especially since the low temperatures at night there, we pray to have during the day here. It’s just that with all the airborne severed body parts and blood spatter over there, I would have to find the world’s best dry cleaner before I start packing my bags.

If there is one pleasant thing that I can say about winter it would be that there is an upside to having a good snowfall. My friend’s mom the other day said she liked how the snow makes things look beautiful. And in an odd coincidence I had awoken that morning peeked out the window and had that notion myself. (Although I would of rather have had a root canal than go out in the fucking cold.) Snow covered trees and streets and cars do have a sort of brooding composed calm to them. And I love how snow always reminds me of sledding back when I was younger, which when I started to hit puberty back in elementary school was particularly great. I had to mention that because sledding seemed to be the only unisex activity back then-you know where it was ok to hang with girls with no fear of later verbal bashings and the evitable threats of making gossip out being seen talking to an ugly one.

The importance of "fuck" as an in-fix

2007-02-05T00:38:00.000-06:00

My library selection of the week has been Just Another Solider by Jason Hartley and the author has brought to light a subject that I think is in no way stressed enough in any American composition class: the importance of fuck as an in-fix in the english language. It works so simply that even the biggest fuck-up can understand it easily. Lets have a look shall we:

Beau McKay quickly grew a disdain for his first name.
In this sentence the underlined portion is the suffix.

Sorry about the pregasm on your eyebrow baby.
In this sentence the underlined portion is the prefix.

Did my friend bang a girl with one leg…absofuckinglutely!
So here you see how useful fuck is as an in-fix. Seriously how many other words in the English language can fulfill this task?

Well now, wasn't that a fun little lesson? What was with the bears man. I thought for sure after the first quater and that amazing and history making kick-off return they were the gonna be easy money. Well anyways, after all those fumbles by both sides during the biggest fucking game of the year who can say that either side truly deserved it more. I guess to some it up-decent game really bad commericals.

It getting late and I finished my book...so I am stuck watching Zoolander, since theres nothing else on. My friend Andy's kid once told me how funny it was...I am starting to think that I should bear much credence to the movie reviews of Junior High School girls. I am still waiting to hear about being a sub...so if you have any spare change email it to me-I am still fucking poor. And other than leaving a voicemail for an old friend thats pretty much it. Peace out puntos.

St. Limbo

2007-02-03T22:42:00.000-06:00

I just watched Saturday Night Live as it aired live for probably the first time in I have no idea how long. Most people hate it, (myself included) but it’s amazing the things you can miss about staying in from time to time. In my case it’s the fact that I would love to be in the middle of a Tina Fey and Amy Poehler sandwich. Does that make me a lesbian trapped in a man’s body-only time will tell? I guess there is another aspect of that, which is just a tad bit wrong…Tina Fey looks like my friend’s girlfriend.

Also tonight in a fit of inspiration (or downright plagiarism) I decided to write a little about a girl I saw for a bit last year. There’s your cred David Joseph McKay III; who is in no way any longer associated with my friend named Beau.

Jill was a woman I worked with at a bar/restaurant for about a year and a half. She caught my eye the first time I walked in the door there. How could she not with those eyes of hers and that stunning smile. To put it simply the first time I saw her I felt my insides melt. I was smit (as in smitten for those of you that might need clarification).

She was a cocktail waitress in the bar, and I worked in the catering part of the joint. So about the only time I ever got to see her was when we would both turn up on the back dock to smoke. We would talk about tips, previous places of employment, and the evitable attack of the drunken flaky women who can’t decide which drink they want-the pink one in the martini glass or the green one in the high ball. All the things restaurant people can talk about during a 200 second cigarette break. What I liked the most, however was what she never said… “My boyfriend works…blah blah” or the word boyfriend in general. I took pleasure in the fact she never used that particular word because all the guys on the crew I worked with didn’t seem to know anything about her.

At one point in the unfolding of these events I had the bright idea to give up the cigarettes. Not my most sharp decision ever, seeing as how, smoking on the dock and talking to her was the high point of my workday. I was back on the tar in about 60 hours. If a little tar and nicotine enabled me get my more important sexy redhead fix; I decided fuck it, gimme cancer and an early death were worth it.

Alright so, let’s flash forward a bit here to…8:43 pm (or somewhere around there) on a Friday (I think) Maryland Heights, MO. I’ve been working one of those annoy (insert coporate name here) office parties where, if it were a normal Friday night out; the folks in front of my bar would be good people to have. But since it’s a work thing for them they are acting smarmy and cheap (i.e. no tips at all, not even one single fucking green back), and you could drape the groups pretensions around you like a discounted and annoyingly uncomfortable poncho.

She might have been a bit buzzed seeing as how it was a slow night on the floor and she was behind a giant fucking tub of beer. Yeah, in fact I am positive she was hitting the Miller Lite. So I did what any good smitten guy would do…ask her out for a drink as soon as possible.

We met at some bar called the brewhaus or something retartedly recycled like that. It wasn’t a bad place, after all I got to meet the former employee of Patricks who had a week before tossed one of those outdoor bucket ashtrays through one of the bars windows. So I sat down at the bar with her, had some beers and had the best time that I had had in months. Which was kind of odd because we only hung out for about an hour. She was the most urbane, sweet, and attractive girl I had hung around with in a while. I had pegged her as one of those “I’m so gorgeous so I can be a huge bitch” types-fuck, was I way off. I had grouped her into that because that’s what most of the girls we worked with acted like. Zero to spaz in 4.5 seconds, and absolutly no in between.

The thing that I adored about her right away was that she was not a personality chameleon. This is an awfully typical thing these days in both guys and girls but seems to be more acute in the latter. She is who she is. She defined herself and didn’t let those around her do it for her.

The girl was sexy as hell in a variety of ways, so many I couldn't even decide what I liked the most about her. I have never thought so much of a girl I spent so little time with. She had really sexy and flowing curly red hair-the reason I think that I keep mentioning the whole redhead thing is because I had never actually been attracted to one in my life, well at least not while sober. There is also the fact that she slapped the shit out of this guy we worked with when he tried to get behind the wheel drunk. I don’t give fuck that’s totally hot and any man that says otherwise is a big fat liar. She was also a thousand times stronger inside than any woman I have met before or since. And something I kept forgetting to mention was what she said at the bar that night: “So do you think it’s weird that we’re both 25 and not married or have kids?” There was none of that wonderful mid-western “I better be married by 29 or I’ll kill myself” desperation about her. She was who she wanted to be…or at least who she wanted to be at that instant in time. I should definitly mention that there was this girl I had gone out with a few weeks before who had told me that I was odd because I was 25 and not in a long-term thing or engaged…so you can imagine my elated surprise when Jill said what she said.

I wish I could say it ended better. It didn’t end bad-actually it end fucking stupidly. The place closed for a month and I never went back. She had said something I was crushed to hear (which I’m gonna keep to myself) and i just couldn't go back. I’d be a liar if I said I hadn’t wanted it to end differently. I wish I could have some incredible memory of her (like the kind that could survive through a decade of Alzheimers). Ya’ know like one of those Hollywood style kisses in the rain in the middle of a busy street or something. Man could she kiss. But I’ll have to settle for one really great one in a truck. And that aint so fucking bad.

Here I go again...

2007-01-31T14:33:00.000-06:00

So here I am again back at blogspot. And I must say, after 20 plus minutes of trying to find a decent useable name for my blog I had to settle for the tax-form format of my name for my title. Real freaking creative I know. I am still currently looking for a new job…well I guess, “new” would not be the correct word seeing as how I currently have no job, thus negating the verve of the word “new”.

It always amazes me as too how long it can take to find a job. I get sick of sitting home-then I am sick of filling out applications. This is what Oprah might call a vicious cycle. But I have put in applications to substitute teach in the Clayton and St. Louis City districts. I am excited to see how this will turn out. I also gotta say I am excited to see me vs. a room full of mes’ in high school. If anyone is interested here is a little table of a few of the vatos where’s and what’s:

Who? Where? Doing?
Anna G, L.A.: It took two stints in rehab but we got her
off the pipe.

Rocky, St.Louis: Selling phone systems, so watch out for that dreaded cold call. (wow a clever pun)

Rob Morris, St.Louis: Check this site: www.robsartwork.com

Axl Rose, Unknown: "Would you like fries with that sir?"

Beau (Boo McKoo), Jakarta Owner/Proprietor of The Black Pearl 1212 Jihad street Derka derka, Jakarta Indonesia

George W. Bush, Washington, D.C.: Sniffing glue, and eating a live puppy. Phone Number: (202) 456- 1414...try it it works.

Kristen, Boston.: Got drunk one night, fell down; and got herself stuck in between a parked car and the curb. I hope she got loose cause i havent heard from her in a while.